This story is from July 21, 2006

Time to change dad!

Smita Mathew / Jul 21, 2006, 16:24 IST

Text Size

Small
Medium
Large

Why is that, some fathers happily allow their sons to pursue a dream but refuse to do so when their daughters want to do the same?

The maverick Feroz Khan is conservative! Surprised? But that's what his daughter Laila Khan Rajpal has revealed. Known for his flamboyant lifestyle, such a revelation appears contradictory. Laila reveals that her father was never prepared to "see his daughter dance around trees in the movies," and so Bollywood was never an option for her.
The same ‘conservative’ Feroz Khan went out of his way to launch his son Fardeen Khan.Fardeen made his debut with their home production 'Prem Aggan'. Why does a father, who is perfectly fine with his son dancing around the trees, not be prepared to see his daughter do the same?
Some dads may be wary of their daughters opting for a showbiz career. But does the same hold true for offspring of actors? When Esha Deol wanted to take up acting, her father Dharmendra was not pleased with the decision. This was attributed to his conservative background and sense of protectiveness towards his daughters. However, none of these posed as a problem when he launched and promoted both his sons and even his nephew, Abhay Deol. He not only supported their decisions but also cushioned them from possible hurdles. But films being ruled by BO, there is little anyone can do to ensure the success of an actor.
We have often come across instances where even though the father may be 'enlightened' enough to allow his daughter to work, but will suggest she opt for a teaching job. As teaching is seen as a relatively easy profession by many, he feels that she would be able to devote time to her family also. Though the trend may be dropping but it is not uncommon to hear some fathers suggesting that their daughters take up ‘lighter’ subjects in college. Transferable or field jobs and long hours are a big no-no with some men.

Preeti Paul had to really convince her dad into letting her go to another state to pursue higher studies. While her father didn't have issues with her education, he didn't think that it would be right for his daughter to stay so far away from home. Meanwhile, Preeti's elder brother faced no such problem. Why did he think that, what worked for his son will not work for his daughter? Why did the worries and apprehensions he had about his daughter not plague him when he had to send his son away?

This trend is not limited to choice of profession alone. Even when it comes to children taking independent decisions about their lives, dads are more liberal with their sons than daughters. Daughters often end up molding their plans, dreams and feelings to suit the ideas of their fathers. Kavita Desai tells us about her uncle who had a love marriage, but is now reluctant to allow his daughter to do the same. Though he had a successful marriage, he however insists on an arranged marriage for his daughter. Why does he not trust his daughter's intelligence and maturity to take decisions and to bear the consequences?

When asked why she chose painting as her career, Laila says, "I wanted to express myself in a way more people could understand and appreciate. Painting was the obvious choice and thankfully, I had dad's consent to pursue it!" Had dad not consented, would Laila have abandoned her passion for painting?
Why the men are unable accept the fact that the women in their lives are capable of making decisions, act on it and actually handle the pressures better? They often attribute their reluctance to feeling protective. But is it really that or simply their conservative, old-fashioned notions which is presented under the garb of love and protection?
It is said that even Randhir Kapoor was against Karishma joining films. In fact the industry gossip has it that the Kapoor family was against the women in the family working in films, a rule which was broken by Karishma. Karishma's mother Babita had to quit once she married Randhir Kapoor. Of course this has been denied by the family.
But what is interesting about Esha and Karishma, is that it was their mothers who supported their decisions and helped them launch their career. Both were successful actresses who are aware of the hurdles and pitfalls that the industry throws on the path of struggling as well as seasoned actors. Yet they didn't stop their daughters.
Does it mean that the women are more open, confident and free of the hypocrisy that affects their husbands?
Karishma and Esha could have had brilliant launches under their home productions, but the fathers chose to stay away from their daughter's careers. Meanwhile, the mothers didn't let their fears or protective instincts hamper the dreams of their daughters.
These women taught their daughters to fight and deal with the situations rather than shield them from it. Hema Malini has often said that she feels sad that Esha has to expose so much, but at the same time she understands that it is the need of the hour and has accepted it. Karishma has publicly attributed her success to her mother. "My mother has been with me through all the hardship and struggle I went through in he industry. Things were not easy and a lot of times, I would get discouraged, cry myself to sleep. She was the one who gave me hope to carry on, gave me hope that some day my hard work would pay off," said Karishma in one of her interviews.
In both cases the girls have proved their mettle and shown that they are capable of taking care of themselves. All they needed was a little support and understanding from their parents, which is expected of all parents.
So the next time men stop their women from following their dream or taking a decision about their life, they better stop and think what they would be actually stifling. A budding talent, a successful career, a happy life?

End of Article